Have anyone ever stopped to truly consider what it must have felt like to God as he gave his only begotten son for us and had to watch him suffer for us….

I never considered that like I am forced to see it today.

To have to stand there and watch his child suffer and not do anything, not step in, not order his angels, nothing.

To have to listen to his son cry out “my God my God why have you forsaken me” all the while knowing that he never forsook his child. He was there watching the whole time. Fighting his own grief because the mission the purpose was greater than the present.

My head and my heart has been overwhelmed with this all week long as I am being allowed the precious opportunity to see a little more into the depth of Gods love for us.

I’m also allowed to see the passion and the pain that Abraham felt as he prepared to offer up Isaac. I choke on the intensity of the emotions as I walk my journey of passion that is also painful.

I breathe as I recall that I said to God that I am withholding nothing from HIM as I surrender my all. But in my struggle to close my eyes and move fearless forward despite the raging of the storm, I am being asked the question, “was that surrender conditional?”

I scream out I believe in God. I believe he is real. So I am a bottle of emotions as so much is being poured upon me and taught to me for this next level I being taken to.

I write not to preach. I write not to get likes or elicit comments.

I write to release some of the pressure as I am being borne along on this new journey… This incredible new birthing that I am being taken to and through.

If I offend anyone its not my intention.
If I scream and yell its not at you.

I’m not looking for human answers to what God is doing right now. Truth is the human touch is painful to my skin which is on fire right now.

Wow and that thought reminds me of what Jesus said to Martha… Don’t cling to me I have not yet ascended to my Father.

If my page… My walk…. This crazy journey is too much for anyone just unfriend or unfollow me. My feelings won’t be hurt. I wont even notice it.

Just keep me in your prayers.