(Clicking on the highlighted scripture will open it up so you can read it in five different versjins: KJV, NKJV, NIV, ESV, AMP. If you are reading this from a cellphone you can X out some of the translations so that you can easily read the verse. I would suggest X-ing out any three of your choice so that you can read the verses easily. )
Today is 11:46am on December 1 2022
I am breaking on the inside. Weeping. But if anyone was to walk in to where I am they would see me doing laundry, folding and putting up clothes.
I am breaking and being broken
But I am also okay because I understand Father is with me, working on me, answering me in reference to something I have been asking of Him in the name of Jesus.
What did I ask?
Do you want to know so that you won’t ask that question if the result is that which I am getting?
Are you asking because you are intrigued about what is happening with me?
FATHER, Can I tell them a little of what’s happening?
I would like to transparently share so that …
1. I can release some of the steam of the pressure so that I can sit a little longer here.
2. I don’t want to forget any of this myself.
3. I don’t want to miss this lesson myself and writing helps me retain what I hear.
4. King Jesus said to take the rafter out of my own eye first so that I can see to take the splinter out of the eye of another.
Oowee this is a whole BEAM. Lol
Thank you, FATHER, for the laughter. Yes, I can still laugh a real laugh which means already I am healing. Wow!!!
Ok so I can share now. I needed to check my motives at the door first for this writing which I already know will not happen in one sitting.
So here is what I asked Daddy…
King Jesus said that we need to forgive anyone and everyone whom we have an issue with. If we dont, then we won’t be forgiven.
Well, I’ve heard King Jesus say this alot in different ways as I listen to the gospels in my hearing.
And every time I hear it, I ask for help in seeing who I am still holding something against.
Like, I be going over different ones in my head and I be (in conversation with the Holy Spirit) saying:
(____A____) “No I forgave that one. Plus, Father helped me to understand ABC.”
(____B____) “No I forgave that one. The door is still open for them to call me in cases of emergency.
(____C____) “I don’t hold random conversations with this one only because that’s like inviting drama. I treasure my peace. When that one surrenders their life to You frfr, then maybe random conversations can be had. But as for right now Your Word says bad associations spoil useful habits. So even though I don’t associate, I also do not harbor any unforgiveness towards that one. “
And that’s how it usually goes with the few that I think of and want to make sure that I’m not holding anger towards. So, I didn’t expect today. I didn’t see today coming.
Today, I was shown someone who I have been holding unforgiveness towards and how it has been affecting me.
How did I missed this person? I honestly do not know.
I thought I forgave this person a long time ago.
I thought my relationship with this person has been fine.
I had no idea that I was still holding something against this person.
I tend to do FB posts every now and then that is called “THAT MOMENT WHEN…”
This is one of those moments.
That moment when… You have been asking the Lord to open your eyes (of understanding)…
…and open your ears to hear.
…and then you ask God, at another time, in another prayer, to show you —XYZ— and you get answered.
Picture this…
You Knock in prayer to ask.
GOD shows up with the answer.
It’s overwhelming.
Covered by the blood
You faint (fall as if dead)
in His presence.
That pics a whole story
Now if you want to laugh
let me show you this in the bible
Daniel fell face forward to the ground. He fainted lol
You got to read it lol
Daniel 10:1-11 😂😂😂
And the Apostle John fainted too when he saw Jesus in His High Priest garments lol
You got to read it Revelation 1:9-17 😂😂😂
I tell you the Bible is amazing to read especially when we remember that they were regular people just like us 😂😂😂
🎶 to be surrounded by Your Presence what will my heart feel🤔 will I sing for you Jesus or in awe of you be still😶, will I stand in your Presence or to my face will I fall 🙇 will I shout Hallelujah will I be able to speak at all 🤐 I can only imagine I can only imagine 🎶
Y’all. Oowee. Lol.
I’m a mixture of praise and giggles.
So, Father had been answering me, but I wasn’t hearing the answer. So, I kept asking.
I remember saying to one person last week,
“Pay attention to everything happening around you because nothing happens by chance.”
Like in the movie Transformers, where the character Bumble Bee talked using songs on the radio until the humans learned how to understand his language; so too, the Holy Spirit speaks all the time to us but many times we miss it because we understand human language, but we miss Spirit language a lot – all of us. That’s why what Jesus said would go over the disciples head all the time.
(I am not beating around the bush in telling you who I was shown. Some of you have probably figured it out already.)
The other day I saw a post about losing trust, and I commented on it…
…but what I didn’t realize is that the Holy Spirit was trying to get me to hear.
Then, today I had a dream that bothered me.
Yes I remember it and no I’m not going to write what it was because then I would have to post this under dreams and visions. Instead, this post is about a conversation that Father is having with me – now.
Yesterday, now that I think about it, I also saw a post that dealt with the process of pruning, breaking, and crushing. I now recognize that I was being told that this is what I would experience. I know to submit to it because here is where my oil begins to flow. Another reason why I know that I am okay.
So I realize now that Father had been trying to show me this all along. But it was the dream that I had that drove this point home because I woke up saying “I’m tired…”
Not physically tired. But I was done fighting. I needed to face whatever was causing me to dream what I dreamed. I needed to deal with the issue.
I was tired of having those type of dreams where I find myself fighting someone I care about over something that is not their characteristic. (Or is it?)
If it is, Father said yield place to wrath because vengeance is His.
Oh wow and I had did this video where I exposed that when we take actions to avenge or in revenge then we are doing just like Adam and Eve did. We are taking what belongs to God and that will get us in trouble too.
Wow Father has been showing me all this time the answer. I was speaking it and it was going way over my own head.
This dream I had is what had me frustrated and so I went boldly before the throne to ask for help in understanding why I be having similar dreams. I needed to forgive. But because I know the person I know that the dream is incorrect so I needed to understand.
B I N G O
That was the key right there. Again Jesus said in all of our getting we are to get understanding at Proverbs 4:7
…and that is what caused me to again go over who I could possibly have not forgiven.
Is it —-A—-? Couldn’t be. After all these years? Ok I need to deal with this. But how do I address this with them after all these years. I need to work on this and get over it.” That’s when I heard…
It’s not A.
(Me thinking to myself) okay I know it’s not with —B— that’s ludicrous.🙄 (me rolling my eyes at the thought that it could be —B—.)
It’s not B, and neither is it C.
Okay then where is this coming from? Who is it? What am I missing?
Help me understand.
<Silence>
Wait is it me? Couldn’t be! 🤔😳😶
I assume that it was me that I needed to forgive, but a few minutes later I was going to be shown the two edged sword. I was being prepared for a phone call that I was getting ready to receive. Who knew? !?! GOD KNEW.
“It’s me.” “It’s me.” I said full of shock.
Though I’ve forgiven myself in the past, I didn’t realize that I still held myself hostage. It is as if I held a grudge against myself and I needed to do the work now to free myself by releasing this area to God.
😳😳😳 How about I just got a phone call where everything I dreamed that had me frustrated, and got me working on some things before the Lord, is exactly what is playing out for another young couple in their home right now. 😳😳😳 (This is the 3rd time that I have experienced this where I would dream something and it would happen. I don’t know how to feel about that. What I do know is that God’s Word is sharper than a two edged sword so I am going to stay here and continue to let Father work on me with my half of the sword so that oil can come from this. But oowee…)
So as I was saying before the phone call that now has me discombobulated because I now realize that though I thought it was me it wasnt me. I didnt need to forgive anyone. I was being broken so that I could help those who were preparing to call me.
I had to deal with this stuff in like a crash course so that I could be prepared to help the couple.
I was shown that I was the one whom I had a problem with. I was shown that there are some areas in me that are broken still. Some areas in me that I have not yet given to God. Some areas in me that I need to forgive myself for. (And while I say some areas really it’s just one area that has grown big and if I don’t deal with it now it can affect other areas of my life. )
The reason why it’s coming up for me now is because I am growing. And as I grow all of me grow. So this area that was little and forgotten about has now grown where I can see it and I need to deal with it because it is an area in one of the chambers of my heart. It’s an area that is broken.
God is near to the broken hearted so I know I’m not alone right now. The Healer JehovahRapha is working on me. Healing an area of my heart now because now I’ve given it to HIM and no longer holding it back from him like a splinter. I need my Father to remove my splinter that has the potential to become a beam. It’s not a beam. I wont let it become a beam. The devil is a liar and I am not a grasshopper in the face of a Giant.
I run to you Father and I cast my cares upon King Jesus. I give YOU All of me. That’s what You want.
I surrender all to YOU. That’s the gift that I give. All of me. Including the broken pieces. Withholding nothing.
We are in a season where people are giddy over Christ-mas. They are all excited buying gifts for one another and they don’t think of King Jesus until someone actually questions what they are celebrating.
Dare I ask anyone what gift did they get for the person whose birthday they claim to be celebrating?
King Jesus what you want is All of us. Our whole heart. Even the pieces that are broken because you can fix it. Our whole mind. Our whole soul.
I don’t want to hold anything back.
Father, I have a pain that I don’t want to experience anymore in harmony with Revelation 21:3-4 where you said you will wipe away every tear from my eyes; death will be no more (oh wow oh wow death can also mean separation and divorce. Oh wow.) Nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain. (Oh wow… I’m experiencing this now in my marriage. I am healed of the dis-ease that caused my divorce so many years ago.
I will finish this with the explanation of what God showed me in Revelation 21:1-4 in part two to This writing. Just let me say that two days ago I had a conversation with a friend of mine about heaven and one of the scriptures we discussed briefly was Revelation 21:4. How about that?
Our Father is amazing. Pay attention to everything around you. Father is speaking. Oowee
Between a Father and HIS daughter 