December 26th. 3am and I’m slicing and freezing lemons and baking lemon bars and talking to the Lord about yesterday.

It’s funny how much you get done when you have a lot on your mind.

I still have a lot on my mind so here I am writing to process and release.

What’s happening?

Oh nothing. I’m just carrying my cross.

🙄 Ok I heard some truth and I agreed with it. Lol. And I still do. I still agree with the truth.

So what’s the problem?

None. There is no problem. I’m just feeling the experience and embracing the feeling.

I think about Isaiah Jeremiah Ezekiel Amos…

Daniel. I started to say he don’t count but then I remember that he did get thrown into a den of lions so he does count.

Mostly my thoughts are that we don’t get to choose how God uses us.

That’s it in a nutshell.

I am letting that thought sink down in me as I feel some type of pain while enjoying the aroma of lemons.

Wow how soothing that smell of lemons is.

We don’t get to choose how God uses us.

Because it’s not about us.

Jonah had to learn that lesson.
I am living that lesson

We think pastoral jobs are easy. Or any of the assignments where one is called to speak as representatives of the KING of Kings. We see what’s presented as  flashiness when it’s not a flashy assignment at all.

Every day, with every word spoken, the man or woman of God weighs the decision of whether to speak truth verses whether to watch their words because of the people.

Some leaders cower to the people.

And then there are some for whom a Holy Boldness takes over.

Makes me think of Jeremiah who said that everytime he wanted to speak no more the Word of God then God’s word became like a fire shut up in his bones which he could not contain.

I identify with him. I don’t be wanting to speak out, but I can’t contain it.

I think of Ezekiel who was given a face of flint for his job to speak to a people who he already knew would not listen.

I have been given a face of flint also.

Then there was Isaiah…

Send me Lord

How can I ask to be sent and then say “I don’t want to do that “

I breathe and remind myself that it is a privilege to serve the Lord in any capacity.

My lemon bars came out really good. My lemon slices for freezing is turning out good too.

Already I’m thinking of the baked fish im going to cook for dinner.

The sun is coming up outside. I am not feeling as pained as I initially did. I know I am not the only one going thru this.

It’s a hard job

Speaking boldly.

Uncomfortable messages

But what I can’t shake is the feeling that I would rather speak boldly than not speak and live with regrets.

Having favor with God who will give me favor with man is better and enjoying the temporary approval of man.

We all have a choice.

So I am embracing and breathing thru mine.

Given a bucket of lemons. I made lemon bars lol

And I still say YES to the Lord.