REFLECTIONS: When in school (which I am not anymore THANK YOU, I graduated in 2019), college to be exact, there is what is called Work Study. It’s those opportunities where you get to have a real-world experiences where you can demonstrate your ability to function in that which you are studying.

Well, let me start off by telling the truth. I might have graduated from the Institutions of Higher Learning and Degrees created by man, but i am still a student of the Most High, in a class taught by the Holy Spirit, that I won’t graduate from until my Lord Jesus Christ returns and graduates me to either rest or rapture.

Either way, the point I am trying to make is that I am not fond of workstudy days – those days where I am called to learn through HANDS-ON EXPERIENCE.

The fact that i am here now writing is proof that I survived. 

You see. I am an honor roll student who passed today’s lesson with a D+. Okay, I might be a little too hard on myself, but what I’m grading is my attitude, and what I am acknowledging is that while my mouth was controlled, my attitude was so out of control which is why I battled so hard with anxiety.

As I look back, I realize that I did have help. I had divine help because the outside world (those who entered my space) was not allowed to overwhelm me with sarcasm or words while I was in this test taking moment.

I am very grateful for that because I was really fighting to control my literal tongue and I guess i could give myself a B+ on that (I almost lost it at the DMV, but I reigned it in real quick by leaving the building. But that is also where the brat  surfaced.)

People smoothly came in and out of my space with none of their own drama as I fought to battle my own. For that, which is huge as I reflect back on it, I am very grateful.

More and more, i am receiving reasons to smile as I reflect on  all that happened today.  Though I am trying hard to explain just how trying  today was for me. It was a day when my anxiety was tried and pushed to the limits.

Absolutely nothing went right in one area, yet i am beginning to see that in two other random areas everything was perfectly amazing.

It’s funny how it took my writing that ✍️ just now for me to realize what actually did happened to me in this weird yet amazing day.

I experienced a cool breeze on a hot day. There is no better way to explain it.

Now I question,

“Why am I led to write of this here on the Nextdoor app?”

This is not my normal place of writing and reflecting.

As a matter of fact, for what I want to share, I think it is best that I share such transparency directly to my website and then from there share to the Nextdoor app. It will give me a greater reach lol to embarrass myself lol.

One second…

I had to switch my place of writing so that now I can share what really happened to me today.

Did I experience being hidden in the cleft of rock?

What i have to share is definitely the sandwich 🥪 effect of two goods surrounding a trial. I keep referring to it like this because I am continually reminded of what I studied in the past couple of weeks

OK, let me just get to it

Here is what happened…

• I’ve been studying the Waves of Discipline and sharing the videos of my studies on my YouTube page.  (I will share a YouTube link to one of those past studies at the end of this for the curious 🙃)

Well, I am currently on wave #4 out of 5. These waves have been so intense that I have found myself crying and repenting a lot over the stupidity of my youth. You see, I understand that in order for me to be able to teach something from what I am learning, then I must first be taught, which means that the beam is taken out of my eye first.

I still have two videos yet to prepare from my past two studies, but I haven’t felt up to doing any videos lately. Nevertheless, they need to be shared because it explains the crazyness of this world today and all that is happening in it. God’s Word literally tells us why we are all witnessing this sheer craziness. It’s a real eye opener.

Anyway, like Ezra, I have found myself in tears, praying, interceding, repenting (mostly repenting), and today, the answer that I received was so beautiful.

Now, I don’t have the energy to do a video right now or to go into detail here of what I was told. So I’m going to take a snapshot of my notes from this morning’s study (before all craziness broke forth).

I hope you can read my writing…

And that brings me to this interjected thought… 

Here is the YouTube video I shared on Zechariah 3. If you are going through any type of depression or trial you are going to want to see this. (By the way, feel free to share any of this…)

Wow, i just watched the video again, and it was so good. It was the lesson that it needed to do better on passing, especially after having received the answer that I did in my studies from today.

I was on trial today, and instead of rising to the occasion, I feel like i acted like a spoiled brat. Okay, let me be real. I know that I acted like a spoiled brat who had an attitude because I didn’t get my way.

So after receiving that amazing message in the middle of studying about these waves of discipline, that is when the anxiety attack hit. Ugh lol. Yes I will tell you what it was.

So I have to renew my DL and I tried to do it online and everything says I can do it online, but when I got to the last step, they want me to come into the office.

Now to do it online costs $50. But to go into the office costs $54.25 or something like that and all I could think was

“WHY DO I NEED TO GO IN WHEN IM NOT CHANGING ANYTHING !?! THEY JUST WANT MORE MONEY OUT OF ME 😡”

Literally, that was my thoughts.

Instead of just going with the flow and getting dressed to go over there, I got on the phone and called to no avail.

“WHY do they even have a phone when no one answers them?”

So my agitation levels was climbing.

I was being bratty.

I had a whole attitude because I had to leave my home to go to the DMV. I wanted to just do it online since I was not changing anything and be done with it.

But my attitude got worse when I showed up against my will, only to find out that they wanted to take a picture of me

“I could have sent them a picture 😁😗🙃”

Only to be told that they were full for the day at every location, so I have to make that trip again. 🤯🥴

(Initially, I was mad about the extra money I would have to pay because they wanted me to come in. THEN I was mad cause other stuff was put in front of my getting there early and getting it done, which resulted in my not being able to be seen when I did arrive. That’s where the attitude got a grip on me, and I had to fight to not let it take over.

Listen, when God’s word says that our warfare is not against flesh and blood, it was not kidding. Listen, I don’t know who i thought I was y’all. Please forgive me. I wasn’t trying to be entitled to be seen. I simply wanted to do my renewal online and let everyone who wants to be seen have their day.

They draw these things out, making it take longer than what they need to take. Don’t nobody have time to be spending all day in long line waiting to be seen for a 2 second photo. They don’t care because they are already on their job. They are getting paid.  Speed them lines up. Quit drawing things out. There has got to be a more efficient way of doing things in that office.

Nevertheless, I need to come out of my shell and not be a hermit. I’m on the computer all day long. I am a writer who writes. Lol. But I need to step out of my shell and go outside.

So, truth be told, that was a part of my anxiety, too. That part could be dealt with. I have things that I do to help me deal with being outside when I have to go outside.  So it wasn’t even the anxiety that was the big issue. It was the surfacing of the brat in me.

I was in a stupid battle with myself first to check my attitude, then to grip my lips so that I don’t unleash my attitude on one who didn’t deserve it, and in the middle of doing that, the brat, and I’m not talking about the rapper, came out of me that I didn’t realize was there.

This is why I said that video (shown above) was right on time. I needed to see that one again because it mentioned the cleansing process of the Word and how the more I dig into God’s Word and draw closer to King Jesus, then things deeply etched in my being that I am unaware of  be squeezed to surface so that it can be skimmed off of me. It’s the refining process.

I was being refined today, and what surfaced was a spoiled brat that couldn’t get her way.

Yep, that brat needed to surface so that it could be dealt with. That brat almost cost me a heart attack – that’s just how stressed I was.

But…

And here is the crazy part of how I was being blessed even in the midst of the test unfolding, and missed recognizing that this was a test I could have passed.

Here is what happened where, if I was paying attention, I could have checked my attitude and not been in such turmoil…

Before I left the house, while still on hold on the phone with the DMV (who wasn’t answering) because I wanted them to help me figure out their “non user friendly website,”  I went onto my Dressed for Battle School website (theartisanspen.org).

With the greatest of ease, I figured out how to set up my website to add a new menu to begin adding the Masterclass: the 5C’s of a Soldier of Christ to the site. (Shown above is the Dressed for Battle menu.)

I literally set up the new menu to begin adding the new classes and started uploading the welcome to class section before leaving out to go thru my testing.

Truth of the matter is that I really did not want to go to the DMV because I wanted to keep working on my website.

I’m blown away over how I just sat down and started pulling it all together. It’s been over a year. I struggled with how to bring it together, and here it is coming together without a thought.

I’m blown away.

Well, that was my very eventful day.

And as I said earlier, I survived it.

Lol

But I wanted to document this experience and remember it because I don’t want to revisit it with the same mindset as I had today. 

My next visit to the DMV is going to be a breeze because I already know that I have to do it and get it over with.

I also know that I won’t be revisited with this lesson in the same fashion. It’s gonna show again, and I’m going to be ready to pass with flying colors.

The brat in me has no place in me. It had to come to the surface so that it could be evicted.

Well, that was my story. That was my day. The good and the ugly. I am tired now. Wore out. Lessons have been learned.

And I apologized where I needed to.

Whew! The cost of growth.

On another note…

Have anyone noticed that portion sizes are getting smaller while prices are going up?

I promise you I read that in Amos 8:5 two days ago.

But that’s a conversation for another day.

Thank you for reading this far.

Thank you for not judging me too bad, but for praying for my continued growth.

I’m smiling again. Got to practice for my upcoming mugshot 😁